Discipling Families in a Local Church

6 minutes to read

Discipling families is the key to building strong church communities. While the world aims to discard God-instituted marriage, it is the responsibility of the redeemed (the church) to uphold its purpose. Societies may choose to redefine marriage, but marriage, because it was given in creation, is not ours to redefine.¹ The church declares God’s definition of marriage, affirms godly marriages, nurtures families, and disciple them. If the church is careless about discipling families, the world will seize this opportunity to twist and tamper God’s purpose of marriage, eventually destroying families and church communities. Paul’s letter to Titus suggests three key ways to disciple families in a local church.  

1. Discipling through Preaching. 
Pastors care for the flock when they faithfully preach the whole counsel of God (Acts 20:27), week after week, book by book. The result is discipling of all the people of God who are zealous for good works (Ti 2:14). Paul instructs Titus to teach what accords with sound doctrine (Ti 2:1). He advises young Titus to teach people of all ages–older men, older women, younger women, and younger men. Sound doctrine that is preached from the pulpit shapes the lives of God’s people. This teaching educates and reminds, both singles and married couples, the nature, purpose, and definition of marriage.

There is a possibility of seeing the Word of God as a manual for marriage. However, it must be approached only through the lens of the gospel.² Paul commands God’s people in Crete to live faithfully in light of what God has done through Christ (Ti 2:11-14). We are God’s new creation in Christ and therefore we are invited to build our marriages on Biblical standards. This primarily happens through faithful preaching in the local church. 

2. Discipling through Exemplifying. 
The impact of mature godly families on single men and women is very effective. That’s why Paul encourages older women in the church to teach and train younger women (Ti  2:3-5). Instead of being lazy and busybodies, they are instructed (i.) to teach young women what is good, (ii.) to train them to love their husbands and children, (iii.) to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, and submissive to their own husbands. 

Interestingly, the older women are to train younger women. To train involves more than teaching; it is to exemplify. While Paul or Titus can teach the younger women, it is the older women who can model that kind of a living to the younger women in the church. Likewise, older men can exemplify godly living to the younger men on how to love and care for their wives. This requires elderly couples to invite younger men and women into their lives and homes, reading the Scripture with them, answering their questions and praying with them. 

3. Discipling through Hospitality. 
One of the contrasts between a ‘truth-teacher’ and a ‘false-teacher’ given by Paul in his letter to Titus is that an elder must be hospitable (i.e. a house manager, Ti 1:6-8), while the opponents are hostile (i.e. house upsetters, Ti 1:11).³ Older couples inviting younger couples, and single men and women to their homes to extend hospitality is a warm way to disciple them. The coffee shop Café Coffee Day has a catchy tagline: “A lot can happen over a cup of coffee!”. Tim Chester writes, “The table fellowship of Jesus, with its ethic of grace rather than reciprocity, was creating a new countercultural society in the midst of the empire.”⁴ 

Inviting strangers to our homes has a major role in showing the love of Christ to the outsiders. However, inviting young couples and singles in our church for exemplifying godly marriages and showing mercy leads to effective discipling. Before I got married, I remember my senior pastor inviting me home for lunch every week. I had a lasting memory of how the pastor’s family joyfully hosted me and shared their experiences with me. The way they cared for each other and for the kids was exemplary. It prepared me so well for my marriage. Leeman rightly says, “We must preach the words of Christ’s gospel, otherwise we draw attention and glory only to ourselves. But we must also preach with our lives so that those both inside and outside the church see that the power of God for salvation begins today, as Christ’s people begin to image him from one degree of glory to the next.”⁵

Some Practical Implications: 

1. Churches should disciple single men, women, and even young married couples faithfully and biblically. They should not be neglected. The health of the household of God (church) is directly proportional to the building up of healthy marriages. 
2. The primary source of discipling is regular, faithful pastoral preaching and teaching in a local church. This should be supplemented by premarital seminars, counselling, books and videos. But these should not replace the priority of biblical preaching. 
3. Older families inviting younger couples and singles, joyfully and voluntarily, is very effective in discipling. Having gone through the ups and downs of marriage, they can be of great encouragement for those who are younger. But the older families must make these times refreshing rather than condemnatory. 
4. Sitting around a table for a meal is more than food. It is a reminder of the incarnation because God himself, in the person of Jesus Christ, became a guest or stranger in the world. A lot can happen over a meal of redeemed people. It reminds us of the great marriage feast of Lord Jesus Christ with the Church in the future.

1.  Christopher Ash, “What does the Bible say about Marriage,” Crossway, accessed on August 19, 2024, https://www.crossway.org/articles/what-does-the-bible-say-about-marriage/
2.  Every imperative of Scripture (what we are to do for God) rests on the indicative (who we are in our relationship with God) and the order is not reversible. See. H. Ribberdos, Paul: An Outline of His Theology (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1975), 253.
3.  Abraham Kuruvilla, 1 & 2 Timothy, Titus: A Theological Commentary for Preachers, (Oregon: Cascade Books, 2021), 359, Kindle. Kuruvilla gives a very helpful contrast between faithful teachers (truth-teachers) and opponents (false-teachers).
4.  Tim Chester, A Meal with Jesus: Discovering Grace, Community, and Mission around the Table (United Kingdom: IVP, 2013).
5.  Jonathan Leeman, “A Meal Says More than you Think,” 9 Marks, accessed on August 21, 2024, https://www.9marks.org/article/meal-says-more-you-think/